Are you a Hater?

I was one of those hoping for a calendar grand slam for Serena Williams and was truly disappointed that a girl who worked so hard and did everything humanly possible was denied that record. I looked on the bright side for her, hey girl, you had a good year despite this, so chin up, don’t cry. Serena doesn’t know me and doesn’t have to, I will support any good man or woman working honestly and diligently towards their dreams. You can therefore imagine my shock when one of my bbm contacts (I’m still wondering if she deserves to remain so) started celebrating that Serena lost and declared herself publicly as a hater. I thought to myself, you don’t know her, why do you hate her? Why? And this brings me to my topic for today, haters.

You don’t have to know haters for them to hate you, you don’t have to do anything wrong for you to have haters. Some people were born haters, hating on anyone who appears or does have better fortune than them, whether in major or minor things. You can n.e.v.e.r. do anything right before an hater. You dress nicely, oh, come off it, she’s an aristo I’m sure. You don’t dress nice, wahala. If you are having a string of good success, they would be quiet but monitoring your life, waiting for just one misstep and when it comes, they are either the first to ‘console’ you (and you’ll wonder how they knew so fast, now you know, its called “monitoring spiritism” aka “witchcraft 1.0, beginner”) or the first to document the mistakes you made and give you unsolicited advice; please who asked you?

I have seen this time and time again; Serena is the latest example, Toke Makinwa’s marriage nko, I checked her Instagram page and just pitied her when I saw all the stupid comments there by haters some blaming her for her husbands actions, others advising her on next steps, hian. Does she even know you, infact who knows you?

The common trend for haters is that they have no meaningful success in their lives, they are usually very regular or ordinary people, you know the ones that just blend with the crowd and cannot be easily distinguished. Yes, they have very little joy in their lives, always talking about people rather ideas…you get the trend. And I have 1 good news and 1 bad news for you concerning haters, which do I take first? Let’s just get the bad out of the way, haters are here to stay, they will forever be here, started with Lucifer (you know he was hating on God and that’s why he fell), then Cain (hating on Abel’s offering like someone stopped him from doing the right thing) and and and. They will always be here, period. Now the good news is that you should totally ignore them and focus on your goals, trust me, even if you do nothing and try to blend in, they would still hate you. So dream big, chase your dreams, hustle hard, LIVE, be happy and give them no thought, cos in addition to you succeeding, you can be sure of an audience always in haters. They would always be watching and monitoring your life, they would be silent when you succeed though, so don’t expect their cheers but be sure that whatever you do and whatever your success, they would never go unnoticed. Isn’t that nice?

Successful people aka Lovers (opposite of haters) are always trying to help others succeed, always cheering others on, wishing them good success. They never feel they are in competition with anyone, so, they really don’t have time to monitor anyone, they are too focused on their grind. You know, people like me #winks. We just think that success is for the taking of anyone who desires and works towards it and wish everyone well. This is the team to belong. Life is joyful always, we usually have small circles, haters not allowed in, we share our successes and tips as well as our setbacks with genuine advice to avoid a re-occurrence.

Now if you have been guilty of being a hater at one point in your life i.e. hating other peoples joy or success for any reason or no reason at all, monitoring peoples lives instead of paying more attention to your own life etc, you still have the chance to change or you can keep hating, what do I care. I love haters, they give me a reason to succeed, I tell myself, some people may just be waiting for me to fail, let me disappoint them so they can stay in the shadows and never in the limelight hehe. One day I’m sure they’d wake up and see that life has passed them by while they were busy hating. 

And now the hashtag when you see these traits in anyone around you, politely ask: #AreyouaHater? #doyouhaveMonitoringSpiritism? Have a nice day people, put in the work, succeed and have fun. 

Occupation-MOM

Mom who couldn’t sleep for 9 months and some more. Mom who got the stretch marks and some other stretches in regions I can’t publish. Mom who risked her life and would have gladly given it for her child. Mom, can I have this? Mom I want to poop. Mom, where is my orange pant? Mom, I’m hungry. Mom, I don’t feel well? Mom can you take me to the party? Mom, I think I’m not good enough for med school! Mom, I had a strange dream, please pray for me. Mom, my home is falling apart, what do I do? Mom, I need to travel out of the country for a few days can you come stay with my kids? Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom!!! Did you notice the trend? Mom does so many jobs all at once for a long long time, yet it is not recognised as a profession or occupation! Really?

How did I get here? My little one had a teething bout some weeks back and it was really bad. Was pooping like 8times daily, clingy, rejecting food, waking up at odd hours of the night etc. I practically was running around on barely 2 hours of sleep daily and was still going about my paid job full time. I was so stressed that I fell ill afterwards. Anyway, at the end of that stressful week, I was filling a form and it required that I fill in my occupation, your guess is as good as mine…at that point, I was a MOM, definitely not feeling like the top-shot lawyer that I am (hehehehe, if you don’t praise me, I will praise myself ehen). And ofcourse I filled in Mom, sue me! 

This got me thinking, is this even recognized as an occupation? Like, once you are fortunate/blessed/thrown into being a Mom, it’s a lifelong job. You will do the job 24/7, no leave, no cash payment, no raises, few recognitions/awards (and some people complain that we celebrate mother’s day twice yearly, like its enough, hian). And for those who do this only full time, I have seen them struggling with shame when they have to write that they are housewives. I think they fail to phrase it properly hence the feeling. Simply write MOM, Occupation-MOM! It’s the most important job in the world ranking slightly above being a lawyer ofcourse!!!

Celebrating mother’s day twice a year is NOT ENOUGH. This is a clarion call to recognize the institution called MOTHERHOOD and recognize this as an occupation. If you feel as strongly as I feel, let’s make this a movement until it is recognized as an occupation that it is. 

#Occupation-MOM! 

Shadow Girl!

You know when you are old and want to tell your life story…it better be interesting. My Mom, my sweet Christian mum and I went visiting an old friend, as we alighted from the vehicle, I saw this middle-aged woman doing some dance moves, grinning from ear-to-ear and screaming “Shadow Girl”. I turned around wondering who could be motivating such ruckus, there was no one behind us, and her attention was wholly focused on none other than my Mum! MUM. IS. SHADOW GIRL. I don’t get it but trust me, I had to investigate hehehe…there is a story in it. So after all the pleasantries and my mom trying to steer the conversation to our reason for the visit, I steered it right back to Shadow Girl. How did she come about the name? I mean I don’t even have a nickname and my Christian mother has a very interesting and dashing nickname!

My Mom in her school days was a party girl, not our modern definition which is aristo but the type that attends parties and dances from dusk to dawn. Apparently, herself and her friend were the best dancers around town and everyone wanted them at their parties…more like the Toke Makinwa’s of this age. I know my mom is a good dancer and she gives a glimpse of some moves that you know are full of potential then stops. Mum became born again after marriage and ofcourse let go of that life. This story is not about my mom o, its about me. I don’t have that kind of cool story to share. Been to a club only once in my almost 3 decades on earth! Just once. Didn’t attend even 1 party in my 5years in university (OOU). My cool story is that I was a library rat, first to get there and last to leave to the point that I got locked in the library once, thank God I had the librarian’s number, would have slept overnight there. I was involved in cool associations in school with very noble aims and objectives and I turned out well…right, I have a good job, happily married, good christian etc. but I think something is missing.

I need to have my cool story, do I start attending clubs now…nah, a bit too late for that. My baby counts on me for his bubble bath at night and bedtime story. Do I start attending parties…nah, my only claim to parties would be the owanbe with aso-ebi (probably iro and buba, aint nothing cool about that). Am I regretting that I was a good girl in school born again and shii, no, I wont trade that for anything. I think as parents, we need to help our kids balance it, I can say my siblings had the same experience and I probably had more fun than them but I’m certain they feel something is missing too. Being born again doesn’t mean you can’t be social, you just need to find the right balance and activities. I’m a parent now and will encourage my kids to have fun but in a godly and sensible way so they don’t have a mid-life crisis before 30!

I intend to LIVE henceforth; so if you have a party, we would attend and dance for you, it doesn’t matter that we’d be wearing aso-ebi lol, the important thing is the substance and not the form. I am putting my bucket list out there:

i.                     Party like I want on my terms (still godly but dancing involved, I love dancing btw, took that from Shadow Girl)

ii.                   Karaoke, my sisters are the reason I’m not a Beyoncé today. Don’t matter, I’m going to sing everywhere now, maybe someone would discover me…hahaha

iii.                  I like traveling, every year, I am going to travel somewhere fun, bungee jumping, sky diving, skiing, mountain climbing, (marathon was just kidding about that one, lol) the full works.

iv.                 Family time, I love being with family and friends that have turned family, so we would do family events deliberately and frequently (Tife, you are my planning buddy on this one)

v.                   Networking, I love this and will resume it with a passion and a plan.

vi.                 Power Bike, my hubby doesn’t like it but I do…ama own one in my life time…watchout for the leather lady

vii.                And we need to work on a nickname, my kids must know that I’m cool too.

viii.      And I will dream big like the 18 year old that I was.

See, I’m out of ideas already, na wa o. Oya, join the conversation, tell me your experiences and put fun ideas on the list, I’m open to almost anything.